07.30.08
Facing a blank page and moments not realized.
I’m drawing a blank about what to write this evening. So I’m just gonna sit here and let my mind wander.
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wandering …
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It’s sorta (sort of) like writing poetry. Sometimes you just sit and stare at the blinking curser, like it’s doing now, blink, blink, blink.
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blinking …
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Every time I stop tapping at the keys, blink, blink, blink.
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and blinking …
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It reminds me of the twinkle of stars in the sky, or lightening bugs on a summer night, the lights on hazard barriers at construction sites, or railroad crossing gates, The fire alarms for the deaf at the hospital where I work, or the sleep mode indicator light on my laptop.
What is it about the rhythmic blinking of lights that catches our attention? I guess if they were on continuously, they’d blend in with every other form or white noise or sight. Those things that we stop noticing because they’re always there. Something needs to draw our attention to these white hidden in plain sight or sound things. But, have you ever sat quietly, just staring off into space, not space like outer space but just staring in those rare moments, when you don’t have anything to do and your mind takes advantage of this and goes off on a daydream? Something pulls you back and all of a sudden you notice a bush, or the remote on the coffee table, or the dust bunny in the corner. They’ve been there for a while but you stop noticing. Then you take note of it, catalogue it, say unconsciously, “That’s the remote”, and forget about it. We tend to do this with people too, don’t we?
For the last three mornings, I’ve left Daniel a note, asking him not to wake me because I’ve been up late, or early depending on how you view 2:00 or 3:00 AM, working on my private poetry forum. We’ve been going strong for two weeks now, and we’re expanding. I had tried to cut back on my coffee drinking after dinner, and I was successful for about two weeks, but trying to keep up with the growing forum has required me to stay up late. Then I’m so wired that I can’t fall asleep, so I spend a little time with George, you remember George don’t you? “3XCARLIN AN ORGY of GEORGE”.
Well I’ve realized the past three mornings how much I miss spending the half hour with Daniel before he leaves for work. We’re not together every minute, but I’m awake when he’s awake. I’m aware of his presence here in out home. When he leaves, I walk out onto the front porch and wait for him to drive up the driveway. He stops, we exchange a few words and then say, “I love you”, to each other. Then he pulls to the street and I watch him drive off. This is how I begin my day, every day, Monday through Friday. I’ve missed that.
O.P.W.